Advice Forum: Gay? Bi?

Photograph by Camila Tomaz

My name is Zara and i have just discovered your magazine! It is SO good I love it!

I am 14 years old and I have a question that has been on my mind since I was 12. And that question is.. Am I a lesbian? I often have fantasies about girls when I am going to sleep, but during the day, I am still attracted to boys! It only seems to be when I go to sleep and at night that I fantasize about kissing a girl.. Is this normal? Do I have to tell everyone I am a lesbian now?

Thanks again for this beautiful magazine!!

Zara

Hi Zara,

Thank you so much for your kind words–we’re glad you’ve discovered Tigress and are enjoying it!

In regards to your question, I think I’ll answer it in a few different parts.

First, the reality is, I can’t answer for you whether or not you are lesbian, bisexual, straight, or something else in between! That’s something only you can decide, based on how you feel. That being said, don’t feel any pressure to decide or define what exactly you “are” in regards to your sexuality. There’s no right or wrong answer, there’s no rush, and it’s okay to change.

Secondly, yes, what you’re feeling is 100% normal/natural/acceptable/awesome! We all have curiosities and questions, especially at your age. Your feelings and fantasies may just be part of a “phase” or they may will stick with you. Either outcome is completely fine.

Third, you NEVER “have” to tell everyone (or anyone!) about your sexual orientation. Who you do or do not tell is for you, and you only, to decide. If you do feel like sharing with someone, like a close friend or family member, you might want to say that you’re currently questioning your sexuality–that you may be straight, gay, or bi, but that right now you don’t know! And you don’t have to know. In our very heteronormative society there’s often a pressure to define yourself and where your sexuality falls. This pressure is negative, unhealthy, and unnecessary–know that.

Over time, your sexual preferences may become more clear, even if that means that you become clear in your lack of clarity! In other words, realizing that you don’t fall in the black and white. I respect your bravery in asking this question and also your curiosity and desire to be in touch with yourself and how you feel. That will always benefit you, in the end.

Love,

Sophie, Freya, and the Tigress Team

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Camila Tomaz

Camila Tomaz is a photographer; you can see her work on her Flickr.

Sophie Pellegrini

Sophie Pellegrini is the Co-Founder and Artistic & Creative Director of Ramona Magazine for Girls. She is a 25-year-old photographer and wilderness therapy field guide in Colorado. She loves crafting, playing acoustic guitar, 90s music, the smell of summer, making lists, a good nap, cuddly animals, and the cold side of the pillow. Follow Sophie on her website and on Instagram.

Freya Bennett

Freya Bennett is the Co-Founder and Director of Ramona Magazine for Girls. She is a writer and illustrator from Melbourne, Australia who has a passion for youth rights and mental health. To combat her own battle with anxiety and hypochondria, you can find Freya boxing, practicing yoga, taking sertraline and swimming in the ocean. She believes in opening up about her mental health struggles and shining a light on what is not spoken about. Freya welcomed her first daughter, Aurora into the world on the 21st of November, 2017 and spends her days building blocks, reading stories and completely exhausted. With a passion for grassroots activism and creative community, Freya began Ramona Magazine as an alternative to boring, image-obsessed teen media. The magazine is founded upon Freya’s core values of creative expression, equality and kindness. You can follow her on Instagram @thecinnamonsociety

2 responses to “Advice Forum: Gay? Bi?

  1. Love this article. I think you’re right-You never have to tell anyone at all! Not even the person you may or may not marry. They should just be happy that you love them and that’s enough.

  2. Hi Zara!

    I agree with Freya, Sophie and the Tigress team. You don’t have to tell anyone, ever! But I understand that sometimes it helps to be able to define ourselves or give ourselves a framework. I myself grew up with incredibly similar feelings! I am attracted to both men and women, it changes depending on the person. I don’t like to define my identity in that way but I understand that sometimes it comes up so I identify as ‘queer’. This is a wide ranging term which includes both lesbian and bisexual!
    Hope this helps, and always if you need help or advice, find someone to talk to, it can be a confusing time! But also great fun! Hope you are well!

    Lucy

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