Photograph by Camila Tomaz
My name is Zara and i have just discovered your magazine! It is SO good I love it!
I am 14 years old and I have a question that has been on my mind since I was 12. And that question is.. Am I a lesbian? I often have fantasies about girls when I am going to sleep, but during the day, I am still attracted to boys! It only seems to be when I go to sleep and at night that I fantasize about kissing a girl.. Is this normal? Do I have to tell everyone I am a lesbian now?
Thanks again for this beautiful magazine!!
Thank you so much for your kind words–we’re glad you’ve discovered Tigress and are enjoying it!
In regards to your question, I think I’ll answer it in a few different parts.
First, the reality is, I can’t answer for you whether or not you are lesbian, bisexual, straight, or something else in between! That’s something only you can decide, based on how you feel. That being said, don’t feel any pressure to decide or define what exactly you “are” in regards to your sexuality. There’s no right or wrong answer, there’s no rush, and it’s okay to change.
Secondly, yes, what you’re feeling is 100% normal/natural/acceptable/awesome! We all have curiosities and questions, especially at your age. Your feelings and fantasies may just be part of a “phase” or they may will stick with you. Either outcome is completely fine.
Third, you NEVER “have” to tell everyone (or anyone!) about your sexual orientation. Who you do or do not tell is for you, and you only, to decide. If you do feel like sharing with someone, like a close friend or family member, you might want to say that you’re currently questioning your sexuality–that you may be straight, gay, or bi, but that right now you don’t know! And you don’t have to know. In our very heteronormative society there’s often a pressure to define yourself and where your sexuality falls. This pressure is negative, unhealthy, and unnecessary–know that.
Over time, your sexual preferences may become more clear, even if that means that you become clear in your lack of clarity! In other words, realizing that you don’t fall in the black and white. I respect your bravery in asking this question and also your curiosity and desire to be in touch with yourself and how you feel. That will always benefit you, in the end.
Sophie, Freya, and the Tigress Team[share]