How to Have Happy, Healthy Boobies

Writing by Zoe O’Brien // Photograph by Sandra Lazzarini

Australia’s National Breast Cancer Foundation has released alarming statistics that 1 in 8 Australian females will develop breast cancer in their lifetime.

And contrary to popular belief, it’s not just those old ducks like our mums and grandmas that are affected by it; it can and does happen to us spring chickens too.

This means it could be YOU, or 1 of the 7 other girls in your:

-Netball team

-Yoga class

-University dorm

-Closest group of girlfriends

-Italian elective lessons

But the shocking statistics don’t stop there. On average, 7 Australian females die each day from breast cancer.

This means it could be the 7 other girls in your:

-Netball team

-Yoga class

-University dorm

-Closest group of girlfriends

-Italian elective lessons

Or worse, 1 of the 7 could be you. Got your attention yet? Good!

Enough doom and gloom though, now that I’ve gotten your attention, let’s lighten the mood a little bit and let’s refer to breast cancer as “silly boobies.”

The exact causes of silly boobies are unknown, however some sneaky risk factors include:

1. Being the best gender that there is, i.e. a female.

2. If someone in your family has had silly boobies. i.e. Your mumma bear, your granny mae, etc.

3. If you’ve had silly boobies yourself before.

4. Not having rug rats, or having them after the age of 30, i.e. having your first child later on in life. (I’m not saying go out there and have kids today, there’s plenty of time for that, but it’s something to keep in mind.)

5. As they would say in Vanuatu, not “givim titi” i.e. not breastfeeding.

6. Being a booze hound, i.e. drinking more than 1 standard drink of alcohol per day.

7. Being a chubby bubby, i.e. carrying a few extra kg’s.

8. Lazing around all day every day, i.e. not exercising and being active.

9. Taking the “I totes don’t want a baby yet pill,” i.e. the oral contraceptive pill.

Please don’t go freaking out if any of these points apply to you. It doesn’t mean you will get silly boobies. It does mean, however, that you are now in a position to identify your risk factors and know that more than half of these are risk factors that you can control and make positive steps towards avoiding, or at least minimising.

It’s also important to understand that risk factors aside, early detection of silly boobies is the key. So it’s super duper important for us all to get familiar and oh so personal with our melons. So girlies, check your jubbly bubblies!! And you know what, start today, no matter your age or risk factors; we all need to be checking.

An easy way of remembering how to check is a little something I like to call T.L.C.: Touch, Look, and Check.

Get to know the usual feel of your jugs, by touching them regularly, in a way that is comfortable for you. You can do this in the shower, in the bath, on the toilet, in bed, while you’re perving on them in the mirror, getting dressed, horse riding or anywhere at all actually, the sky’s the limit with this one. At different times of your monthly cycle they may feel different, so get familiar with that too.

Get to know the usual shape of your twins by always perving in the mirror: arms up, arms down, front on, side on, morning, night or during the day. Whenever, just do it and do it regularly.

If you do notice any unusual changes, check with your doctor straight away. You know what they say, it’s better to be safe than sorry.

If you’re a tech savvy individual, a cheeky little app that is brilliant for helping with your breast check is “Your Man Reminder.” Warning you ladies, it does contain hot, topless men, but it’s very educational in a fun way.

And remember there’s no right or wrong way to check, just get right on in there and #feelthoseboobies.


Zoe O’Brien

Zoe is a pharmacist who lives in Melbourne who is passionate about women’s health.

Sandra Lazzarini

Sandra Lazzarini is an Italian photographer who loves flowers and photographing girls with their faces covered or with their backs to those who observe them. Find her on her website and Flickr.

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