Poem by Celine Floyd // Photograph by Sofia Higgins

’Twas a damp summer night when I spewed my deepest darkest secrets.

You held my knotted hair,

Washcloth in hand,

As I slurred,

Throwing up words and feelings into an empty toilet bowl,

Insanity slowly enveloping and crowding my mind:

 

Rewind

// I //

Meeting you was like a comet shower:

Beautiful, chaotic

And all at once.

Magical.

With eyes like a galaxy,

You offered me wine.

“You’re quite refined,”

I teased,

Downing white wine.

‘Let’s unwind’

Eyebrows raised,

That smirk became a lifeline.

 

// II //

 

More than anything,

I became your pet;

Running in circles,

Chasing your love on the tip of my tail,

On the tip of your lips.

Don’t taunt me with your lies and blown kisses.

 

// III //

 

You’d say home is where the heart is,

As you cut a hole into my heart.

A pretty little home-shaped hole.

 

// IV //

 

Decisions are hard to make,

Especially when love’s at stake.

But pull out a knife and fork,

Oh dig in.

Throw some salt —

A dash or a handful —

To add more flavour to my wounds.

Stay or leave.

It’ll hurt just the same.

 

// V //

 

Hold me.

Play

 

a kaleidoscope of amber and gold

little specks of stories untold

hiding in your eyes.

as it unfolds before me,

you ask ever so softly:

“kindly refrain

from scrutinizing the details and pre-tales

i’m about to describe”

 

‘the past is no game,’

i answered,

stroking your messy blonde hair,

‘nor can it be ignored,

but it won’t hurt you anymore.’

i’ll hold you

and rock you

through the nightmares,

lay a washcloth upon your forehead

to keep the bad-past tsunami at bay.

 

nights spent screaming, dreaming and sweating.

losing it.

losing your sanity.

every last wisp of it.

 

i will stay there

i will be by your side

forevermore

all for that kaleidoscope

kaleidoscope of amber and gold.

 

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