Advice by Freya Bennett // Photograph by Karen Davis
I always wear a bra with an underwire and I mean ALWAYS – when I have to take my bra off or change into a bra with no underwire or padding I freak out – my worst fear/nightmare is having to go bra-less even if I’m just lazing around the house. How can I conquer my fear of being bra-less?
Firstly HELLO! Thank you for writing to us! When I read this question I got really excited as this is a topic close to my heart. Let’s dive in!
I can relate really strongly with this because as teenager I felt exactly the same way. I have pretty big boobs and have had since I was 13, so for me, wearing an underwire bra was a way to control how my boobs were presented. I felt quite out of control as they kept growing and because I got so many unwanted comments I felt like I had to do something to control them. Wearing a bra constantly seemed like the only way. I even wore an underwire bra to bed most nights for a year. My mum would always ask me why I did it, as to her it was the most uncomfortable thing in the world (and for me now too haha) – but it’s how I felt most comfortable at the time.
I’m not sure of your situation in regards to your size or your reasons for wanting to wear a bra all the time, but I just wanted to say that your feelings are valid. Even if you yourself feel like it’s weird, don’t beat yourself up. Growing boobs is a weird process and we suddenly have to get used to this new body part, which we all deal with it in different ways.
In regards to conquering your fear my suggestion would be to start in small steps, the first being at home when you feel the most comfortable – perhaps when everyone is out and you can have some time to yourself. You could start with a soft bra (perhaps buy yourself something really pretty or extra comfy so it feels like a treat to put it on) and just give yourself a small timeline so you know you can put your underwire on if you feel uncomfortable. Once you’re comfy with this I would suggest getting to know your boobs. Do you have a favourite moisturiser you could rub in to them after a shower? It may sound weird, but give your boobs the love they deserve and you may feel more comfortable letting them out more often.
I would also chat with friends and see if they have any advice, maybe friends with a similar size (if you have big ones and that’s your reason why it might help to find someone to bounce ideas off. A bosom buddy if you will… see what I did there??). Is there anything your friends do to make themselves feel comfortable with going braless or wire free? If not, don’t worry! It doesn’t make you weird. We all have quirks, and I am sure your friends have phobias that you don’t.
Lastly, I would suggest giving yourself a break and not pushing yourself if you feel too uncomfortable. I went through exactly the same thing and I can tell you it will pass! I now wear soft bras pretty much 100% of the time. I still feel pretty uncomfortable bra free anywhere but at home, but I am so much more comfortable now. This is coming from a woman who as a teen used to have nightmares about turning up at school naked – except I was fully clothed but no bra! You aren’t alone, and if I can conquer this fear with G cups, so can you!
Good luck and love those boobs!