Review by Freya Bennett
What began as a guilty pleasure—the only reality TV show I was interested in—soon evolved into a deeper fascination with and concern for patriarchal cults. 19 Kids and Counting was like witnessing a car crash: impossible to look away yet horrifying with each revelation. I searched for cracks in their meticulously curated, smiling facade, and it came as no surprise when scandals began to unravel the family’s image.
My interest in cults has always lingered, but the Duggars, with their family of 19 children and particularly the beautiful, smiling girls taught to be “joyfully” available to their husbands’ drew me in further.
When I watched Shiny Happy People on Prime, I was both captivated and heartbroken by the stories it unearthed. That’s where I first heard Tia Levings’ story of harrowing abuse at the hands of her husband and encouraged by the churches they attended.
While you may not be as deeply interested in patriarchal Christian cults as I am, you’ve no doubt seen some content online as the #tradwife trend explodes on social media. The joyful, homely façade is an insidious mask for an oppressive, abusive and dangerous way of life and Tia’s book, A Well Trained Wife, shines a light on these once hidden stories.
Content Note: mentions of domestic abuse, rape, and infant death.
I devoured this book over a few days, utterly gripped by Tia’s lyrical prose yet horrified by the brutal realities she endured. Her story unravels the intricate web that traps women in these cults, exposing the profound depths of their suffering.
Tia was raised in fear by the First Baptist Church, conditioned to believe her purpose on earth was to marry the man God had ordained for her, submit to him, and bear as many children as possible. When she met a man from church who quickly proposed, despite feeling little attraction and immediately witnessing his alarming temper, she assumed this was God’s will and didn’t feel she could say no.
Her journey through an abusive marriage, multiple church transitions as her husband sought increasingly conservative Christian practices, and the birth of five children—including the heartbreaking loss of her daughter Clara at just nine weeks—is told with raw honesty and resilience.
Tia’s eventual escape with her children, just in time, is a story of heartbreak, triumph, inspiration, and necessity. Her bravery in sharing her story serves as a beacon for other women trapped in these cults, illustrating that the cycle of abuse is complex and leaving is far from simple.
Seeing Tia flourish is deeply satisfying, yet the knowledge that many girls and women remain trapped, unable to speak of the rape and abuse they endure daily, casts a long shadow. With more voices like Tia’s, we can hope to shine a light on these insidious practices and free those oppressed by them.
The eldest Duggar child, Joshua Duggar, has since been imprisoned on charges of receiving and obtaining child sex abuse material. He is, in many ways, a product of his upbringing. While he has faced justice, countless others have not. I hope that books like Tia’s can bring more perpetrators to justice and liberate more girls from these dark corners of society.
