Words by Claire Seeber
We’ve all heard it before: “Women can have it all.” It’s a catchphrase that’s woven into empowerment campaigns, magazine covers, and social media feeds. If we work hard enough, hustle long enough, and stay ambitious, we’re told we can balance a thriving career, family, friendships, fitness, and self-care. And, of course, look faaaaaaaabulous whilst doing it. But here’s the truth — this idea of “having it all” is not only unrealistic; it’s unsustainable.
It’s Not About Empowerment — It’s About Opportunity
Women don’t need to be told to be more ambitious. I know plenty of capable, confident, and competent women who already have lofty dreams — they’re ready to step up and lead, not just in their careers, but in their communities and families. What these women need isn’t more empowering quotes, but real opportunities. They need systems, policies, and workplace cultures that allow them to thrive both in their careers and in the other roles they play.
Telling women they can “have it all” often means expecting them to also do it all — juggling endless roles without proper support or opportunities to integrate these roles in a way that allows them to flourish. True empowerment comes not from putting on a superwoman cape every day, but from having real choices that don’t force women to sacrifice their well-being or core values.
The Myth of “Having it All” Is Just Another Box for Us to Fit In
The reality of “having it all” is far messier than the story we’re sold. It’s not about perfect routines or polished lives. Yet, we’re bombarded with images of women seamlessly shifting from power suits to playdates, from work meetings to workouts, all with a smile on their faces. This unattainable expectation doesn’t just miss the mark; it often leads to burnout and a constant feeling of failure and ‘not-enoughness’ when real life doesn’t match the fantasy.
We need to challenge this narrative because it’s just another box for women to fit into. It says: Own more. Have more. Be more. Do more. And when you do finally manage to “do it all,” make sure you look perfect doing it. Striving for this image of perfection devalues all the things we’re already doing incredibly well and makes women feel like they’re constantly falling short.
The myth of “doing it all” doesn’t address the societal structures and gender roles that make achieving this balance nearly impossible. Encouraging ambition is one thing; ignoring the systemic barriers that make it difficult for women to achieve their goals without complete burnout is another.
Challenging What “Having It All” Really Means
There’s another crucial piece to this puzzle that I also believe we can’t overlook — defining what “having it all” actually means for ourselves. This isn’t just about changing society’s narrative; it’s about taking ownership of our own too. For many women, what “having it all” looks like evolves over time. What seemed like success in your 20s might feel very different in your 30s or 40s. The challenge is getting clarity on what you actually want in your life right now — not what you’re told to want.
It’s easy to get swept away by social media telling us we need to chase after endless goals, be in constant motion, and tick every box on some elusive “perfect life” checklist. But when we dig deeper, do we really want all the things we’re striving for? Is it genuinely our dream to be balancing that power job, the perfect home, a bustling social life, and a fit physique all at once? Or are we chasing after an idea of success that doesn’t truly reflect who we are or what really brings us joy?
I’d like to invite you to pause and ask: “What does having it all mean to me?” Then, once you know that, be relentless in creating the boundaries that support those desires. Make conscious decisions to protect your well-being and energy and say “no” to the things that don’t serve you, even if they’re considered “shoulds” by society’s standards.
Reimagining Opportunity and Ownership
Imagine if, instead of telling women to have it all, we gave them the opportunities to choose what they want. What if we changed workplace cultures to support women’s ambitions without expecting them to be constantly “on”? And, what if, instead of telling women to hustle harder as the solution, organisations saw the long term value of structuring environments where their employees, and their best assets (women!) could do their best work.
A utopian dream? Maybe still for a few years, although I do believe that we are making progress.
So, what is within our control then? Knowing what ‘having it all’ really means to you, my friend, that is where we start.
