Interview by Andy Reyes
Author of the book Lord Knows This Sh*t Ain’t Easy: How to Stay Emotionally Balanced in a Chaotic World, Holistic Coach Adelfa Marr chatted with Andie Reyes about her book and how she helps other people be the best version of themselves. Her expertise and knowledge in meditation, journaling, breathwork, movement, and authentic living allows her to help individuals make deliberate choices that align with their core values, goals and full potential.
Hello Adelfa, Thank you for this interview. Tell us about you and what you do.
Thank you for having me! Before all, I’m a mom and a wife to the most beautiful humans. For work, I’m a Wellness Coach who focuses on aligning my clients with their desired selves through practices like breathwork, meditation, and reflective conversations that help them evolve into the person they’ve always wanted to be.
What does a Holistic Coach do? and how can it positively help our lives?
Personally, I work with clients to help them become the person they’ve always been. Everyone has their version of “I want to be the person that ..” and more times than not, it feels far for them. I love helping them see that it’s not far at all and those inclinations they have are guidance from their desired selves. I include spiritual practices, breathwork, meditation, journaling, and manifestation in my work and also use a lot of neuroscience to help clients understand all that they can do and use to facilitate their growth. My work focuses on the evolution of the person rather than the retrospective work that tends to come up. I’ve seen this work transform the lives of hundreds of people throughout my years and the most positive impact is seeing people’s joy when they realize they’re living the life they’ve always wanted to.
Tell us all about your book Lord Knows This Sh*t Ain’t Easy: How to Stay Emotionally Balanced in a Chaotic World. This book gets into the messy stuff–the fear, the shame, the regret–and shows how we can all become more authentic, what was the process of writing it like for you?
Writing Lord Knows was surreal. A lot of late nights and debunking my own perfectionism. It was also opening a door into my inner thoughts and feelings which was interesting at first and then felt extremely freeing. I used to be a ‘go with the flow’ creative and would feel motivated in waves but having to write the book put me into a place of being able to tap into my creativity when needed. It was also really great to work with a team that understood the vision and wanted to get the project out as desired.
What do you enjoy most about your job?
There is always a point where the work clicks for my clients. It’s hard to explain because it’s different for everyone but there’s a shift that is so felt. There’s an ease that overcomes them and a joy that is indescribable. It happens when they are able to let go of whatever is holding them back and they allow themselves to embrace their desired self. It’s the best to hear “I can’t believe this is my life right now” or “I never knew I could feel this way”
What excites you most right now?
Everything! Lol excitement is one of my words; I tend to always ask “Are you excited?” Or say “I’m so excited!” — it’s my neutral playing field and I love the feeling of excitement. Spending time with my family excites me, trees excite me, seeing people smile, hearing people share their accomplishments, spending time in nature, learning new things. I’m always excited for and about life.
We often have a misconception of what self-care is, especially in a world where Instagram shows us people living their best life, how can we be a realistic version of ourselves?
Self-care varies for everyone so I like to give wiggle room. However the discernment we need in today’s day and age with things like social media is crucial. It’s not to say we should doubt what we see but having the awareness that everything posted is curated to some extent can help relieve the comparison mode that kicks in. Remaining the most authentic version of ourselves will look different for everyone but the one thing that can help tremendously is *knowing* who the most authentic version of you really is – outside of your past experiences or socialization or expectations placed on you. Once you tap into that, it’s easier to know how to stay in that frequency regardless of what you see on IG.
What do you do in your day to day?
My days are wonderfully spent! I have time for me every morning and I like to meditate, journal, do some gratitude and visualization practices before getting my day going. Once my little ones in school, I usually have time with my clients. I make sure to take breaks after big parts of my day to refuel and re-energize. In the evenings, I spend time with my family. The little things that shift daily are movement, reading, entertainment and things like that. I check in with what I’m feeling and what I’m in the mood for and really base my days off of that.
What book have you been reading?
I’ve been between a few: DUNE, Call Me By Your Name, + Tomorrow, Tomorrow, and Tomorrow. I always have a leisure read because I’m constantly reading about things that are helpful for my work such as Feeling is the Secret, Permission to Feel, and Attached.
So far, what has been the moment you have felt most proud of yourself?
Most proud moment would be anytime I see my child! I’m always reminded of being pregnant and how that has shifted into this growing human who I get to watch live a beautiful life and learn the little nooks and crannies life’s got for us. In my work, most recently I realized I’m in my career lol. A lot of the time we’re used to working toward something and to have a moment where you realize you’re doing what you want to do and love to do is really special.
A song that always puts you in a good mood…
Music is everything to me and this is harrrrd to choose. Right now it would be: GloRilla’s TGIF or Rihanna’s Pour It Up. Kali Uchis’ Dame Beso is up there too.
Have you ever had a creative block? How do you get out of that block?
Yes lol! I used to get them a lot more but I realize that when I journal daily, it helps my creative flow a lot. When I’m in a block and need to get through it in the moment, I have to step away and allow myself time. I used to force the moment or force the creation but it just creates a deeper block. Now I just turn everything off, get outside, talk to people who inspire me, or ingest some art.
Where can we find out more about you and what you do?
I’m a frequent story poster on IG (@marrmarrmarrr), I’ve also got a Substack called The Mindstream and via emails or my website.
Any advice you would like to leave us with:
A shift in mindset is really powerful and realizing that you’re a creator of your own reality works true wonders. Also, stop worrying about everyone else. They’re too busy worrying about themselves anyway so please do you!
