Words by Mia Barnes // photograph by Kinga Howard
Two years ago, my partner and I were enjoying a date night at home. Candles flickered as we watched our favourite romantic comedy. He leaned over and gave me the softest kisses that promised something more. I’d typically pounce on the offer, but instead, my body felt nothing.
The warm pull toward intimacy was gone, even though my feelings for my partner hadn’t changed. The only difference in our lives was my new depression medication. As time passed, I noticed that I rarely thought about sex, had to concentrate to feel turned on, and orgasms were no longer a sure thing by myself or with my partner.
It was frustrating and isolating—like losing a part of myself I didn’t realise I valued so much. But I learned that this experience is common, and there are ways to work through it. After a lot of trial and error, I discovered some strategies that helped me reconnect with my desire. If you’re navigating something similar, here are a few steps that might help. One solution won’t work for everyone, so remember to give yourself time. I explored every option before finding the best changes for my body.
1. Chat With Your Doctor
I always reach out to my doctor when I have any medication-related questions. Voice your concerns to double-check that it is your antidepressant affecting your sex life. If you have a trusted general practitioner (GP), they may agree or point out other medications/issues that could be affecting your ability to feel turned on.
However, many women bring up this issue with their primary care providers and feel dismissed. Women’s health care comes with many stigmas, especially around the topic of sexuality. I changed doctors three times before finding one who listened and empathised with me. If you feel dismissed or belittled, finding another GP could make all the difference.
And there’s no need to feel embarrassed. Given how experts estimate 40-70% of women experience low libido during their lifetime, you’re likely not the first patient to discuss this topic with your healthcare provider.
2. Consider Lowering Your Dosage
Just because your SSRI might be affecting your ability to feel aroused doesn’t necessarily mean your doctor will recommend stopping it altogether or switching to a different medication. Ask your doctor if adjusting the dosage could be a better alternative to help manage this unwanted side effect.
3. Add More Exercise to Your Lifestyle
The gym might not be the first thing that comes to mind when thinking about boosting your libido, but physical activity could be exactly what your sex drive needs. Exercise releases feel-good endorphins that can naturally ease depression symptoms. When your mood improves, it often becomes easier to feel turned on.
For me, adding 20-minute walks to my weekly routine made a big difference. It woke my whole body up, and I’d come home feeling positive and energised. Moving from one feel-good activity to another made it so much easier to slip into bed with my partner—or reach for my vibrator.
4. Talk About Trying a Different Antidepressant
Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors are only one kind of antidepressant. You might improve your libido by switching to a different medication, like a serotonin-norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor. However, starting a new prescription could change what you pay at the pharmacy.
Recent research shows 9.4% of Australian women cite high fees as the reason why they can’t take their medication continuously, which may become a factor in how you treat your mental health. Chat to your doctor to discuss other antidepressants that might work better for your budget. They come in a range of prices, so it may be worth exploring.
In the meantime, there are other things you can do to care for your mental health. I’ve found my depression is easier to manage after spending time outside or listening to my favourite music. They helped me while my body adjusted to a new medication and when I decided that going without a prescription was the best option for my journey.
5. Try Low-Libido Remedies
There are other ways to address a low libido while you determine what’s best for your mental health. Your doctor could take a blood sample to see if you’re low on any vitamins or minerals that fuel natural hormone production.
Adjusting your diet according to what your body needs may give you the libido support you need. You might also try exercising more often, drinking more water and improving your sleep schedule to feel your best. You may become more easily turned on if your body has the support it needs to regulate your hormone production.
Your doctor might also suggest trying a low-libido medication for women instead of altering your depression prescription. It depends if you’re open to adding another medication to your routine. Your options look like:
- Vaginal estrogen: A tablet, cream or ring that stimulates cervical fluid production, which can decrease with some antidepressants
- Flibanserin: An FDA-approved tablet that assists with low sexual desire, typically for people experiencing menopause
- Prasterone: A plant-based, human-made hormone dehydroepiandrosterone that treats vaginal dryness after you insert it into the vagina with an applicator tube
- Bremelanotide: A synthetic hormone injection that improves sexual desire for people starting premenopause
- Testosterone treatments: Some depression medications may lower your testosterone, which you can supplement with testosterone gels, patches or injections
6. Start Meeting a Sex Therapist
While medicine might help you manage depression or anxiety symptoms, it may not resolve the underlying condition. There are seven types of depression that all manifest in different ways. A sex therapist could help you untangle the emotional and mental complications affecting your sex life related to your low libido.
When I started, I was surprised to uncover negative self-beliefs keeping me from thinking of myself as a sexual person. Talking with a licensed therapist who specialises in sex could be a significant first step for anyone.
7. Develop a Sex Schedule
Sometimes, the answer to a non-existent sex life is simple. Your sexual experiences can be like any other routine. If you stop them for a while, you’ll focus your attention on something else and forget to prioritise your physical pleasure. If you have a partner, experiment with creating a sex schedule.
It took me a while to explore this idea at first because I felt embarrassed. I wanted to feel the spontaneous arousal I enjoyed my entire adult life. Scheduling sex felt strange at first, but it became a form of anticipatory foreplay that made me and my partner feel turned on. You don’t always have to have sex on your scheduled dates, but it does help get you back into the habit of thinking about it when your body isn’t.
You can also schedule some self-play time if you don’t have a partner. Explore your body and the world of masturbation toys, sexy stories or sensual audiobooks. You’ll create the same routine that reintroduces your sex drive over time.
8. Expand Your Foreplay Possibilities
If you can’t change your medication and don’t want to take another, you might improve your sex life by redefining what ‘sex’ means. There’s nothing shameful about spending more time having fun before intercourse or outercourse starts. Some people naturally take longer than others to feel turned on — you could be one of them regardless of your prescriptions.
Sometimes, I listen to a sexual audio story and use my pocket wand for a few minutes before my partner joins the fun. I’d never tried that until I started antidepressants, but it’s one of the ways I can turn myself on during our foreplay time.
Ask your partner to get involved or do something for you before masturbating. Whether you watch a sexy scene in a movie, act out a roleplaying scenario, or naked snuggle and make out for a while, exploring new kinds of foreplay could be what you need to increase your arousal before sexual activities.
Reclaim Your Mental Health and Sex Life
I gave myself a few months to explore every option and find what was best for my body. The effort paid off — my partner and I have a renewed sex life that’s more fulfilling and consistent, and I feel better in body, mind and spirit!
