Words by Jess James
As a mother of two incredible neurodivergent children, and as someone deeply embedded in progressive feminist spaces, I have found myself increasingly frustrated by a particular brand of well-meaning but ultimately harmful discourse amongst parents: the reluctance to “label” children. I hear it constantly from friends, family and even from educators: “Don’t box them in!” or “They’re just kids!” My own children’s teachers have suggested I shouldn’t be “labelling” them, despite their clear and documented neurodivergent profiles. One even went as far as to imply we’d fabricated our child’s diagnosis to “drain school resources”—a deeply offensive accusation that disregards the immense hurdles involved in securing a diagnosis and the woeful lack of funding and support within the NSW education system.
Let’s be clear: to resist labelling a neurodivergent child isn’t an act of liberation; it’s an act of profound denial. It’s a refusal to acknowledge who they are at their core, to truly see how their unique neurotype intersects with and impacts every single aspect of their lives. This isn’t about slapping a pejorative term on a child; it’s about understanding their fundamental operating system.
When we shy away from acknowledging a child’s neurodivergence, we are denying them the identification of their very real support needs. These support needs don’t magically appear with a diagnosis; they have usually been present for some time, often manifesting as struggles or challenges that baffle both the child and parent. To ignore their neurodivergence, with all our good intentions, is setting them up for failure. Imagine trying to navigate a world designed for left-handed people when you’re right-handed, but no one will acknowledge that you use your right hand. You’d constantly struggle, be told you’re doing things “wrong,” and never be offered tools designed for your natural orientation. This is the reality for many neurodivergent children whose needs go unacknowledged.
I suspect that much of this reluctance stems from a misguided belief that if we ignore the “issue,” it will simply disappear. That somehow, by not speaking its name, neurodivergence will magically evaporate. But here’s the uncomfortable truth: it won’t. In fact, without identified and met support needs, the challenges will only become more pronounced, more entrenched, and more debilitating for the child as they grow. What starts as a subtle difference can, without the right support, escalate into significant struggles with mental health, social interaction, and academic performance.
There’s another, deeper current I suspect runs beneath this resistance to diagnosis: fear of the unknown. And unfortunately, I believe this fear is rooted in ableism. It’s the discomfort with difference, the desire for conformity, and the internalised belief that certain ways of being are inherently “less than.” To acknowledge a diagnosis can feel like admitting something “negative” or “broken,” rather than simply recognising a different, equally valid way of existing in the world. This ableist lens prevents us from seeing the strengths, the unique perspectives, and the inherent value that neurodivergent individuals bring to our society. It prioritises societal comfort over a child’s fundamental right to understand themselves and thrive.
For those of us who live it, the benefits of diagnosis are not abstract; they are profoundly real and life-changing. Diagnosis is not a limitation; it is a roadmap.
Here are just a few of the crucial benefits that come with embracing a neurodivergent diagnosis:
- Self-Understanding and Identity: A diagnosis provides a framework for children (and their families) to understand their own brains, their unique strengths, and their specific challenges. It helps them make sense of their experiences and develop a positive self-identity, rather than feeling like something is “wrong” with them.
- Access to Appropriate Support and Accommodations: This is perhaps the most critical benefit. A diagnosis is often the gateway to accessing essential services, therapies, and educational accommodations tailored to their specific needs. This can include anything from occupational therapy and speech pathology to individualised education plans (IEPs) and sensory supports within the school environment.
- Validation and Reduced Self-Blame: Knowing there’s a name for their experiences can be incredibly validating for neurodivergent individuals. It shifts the narrative from “I’m bad/lazy/stupid” to “My brain works differently, and that’s okay.”
- Improved Communication and Advocacy: A diagnosis provides a common language for parents, educators, and healthcare professionals to discuss a child’s needs effectively. It empowers parents to advocate for their children and ensures that their voices are heard and understood within educational and healthcare systems.
- Community and Connection: Receiving a diagnosis can open doors to communities of other neurodivergent individuals and families. This can provide invaluable support, shared experiences, and a sense of belonging, reducing feelings of isolation.
- Targeted Strategies and Skill Development: With a clear understanding of their neurotype, individuals can learn specific strategies and develop coping mechanisms that work for them, leading to greater independence and well-being.
Let’s move beyond the discomfort and fear. It’s time to champion true neuroaffirmation, which begins with radical acceptance and the courageous act of calling things by their name. Our children deserve nothing less than our full acknowledgement and unwavering support.
