Words by Siena Robb // illustration by Nele Wagner
I once went on a first date with a guy whose idea of flirting was “sarcastically” insulting everything about me. After I expressed my love for writing, my job as a nurse and my interest in music and art he said, “That’s two minutes of my life I’ll never get back.” He insulted my appearance by saying, “It took you that long to get ready to look like that?” and when I called him out, his response was: “Oh! That was just a joke! Don’t be sensitive! I didn’t realise you’d think I was being serious!”
Now, don’t get me wrong, I have an impeccable sense of humour, I am happy to laugh at myself, however, time and place?! And maybe actually be funny?
What I think the problem was for him was me being human. A throwaway comment to him was a gut punch for me. Whilst it’s normal to get upset with being made fun of, I do tend to sit with feelings long after the moment has ended. The truth is, though, after years of feeling “too sensitive”, I realised, I’d rather be “too sensitive” and feel “too much” than not at all.
Ever watch a video of a cute cat and find yourself on the verge of tears, or see an old couple hold hands, and feel like crying with joy just thinking about the fact that they’ve potentially spent their whole life together?
As a society, we’ve let a skewed perception of sensitivity take over. Emotional avoidance—being cold, stoic, or aloof—is often preferred if it means avoiding conflict, concern, or so-called “drama.”. Society tends to prefer that we keep our mouths shut and our feelings locked away in our limbic system, just so no one has to “deal with it.” I say to hell with that. Let’s bring back feeling. I’m a firm believer and die-hard advocate for letting the world know how you feel. Expressing yourself through voice, action, and unapologetic vulnerability is powerful. Society might fear sensitivity, but what it doesn’t realise is that it reveals depth of character, radical tenderness both inward and outward, and the true art of being human.
Realism terrifies people. Those who fear authenticity and sensitivity tend to make it obvious—they wear that fear on their sleeve. Conveniently, that makes them easier to avoid. They’re the ones who make you second-guess your pain, invalidate your emotions, or make you feel inadequate simply for being sensitive. But here’s the truth: no one can ever feel something “too much.” How you feel is how you feel, and no one gets to tell you otherwise.
In Jacinda Ardern’s memoir, ‘A Different Kind of Power’ (2025), she discusses being defined as “far too thin-skinned” to be a successful politician and initially deemed her sensitivity a flaw.
She expressed that “you could be sensitive and survive”, and being an empath is in fact, a strength. Her memoir explores how leadership is often associated with invulnerability, but she was able to redefine what it means to be sensitive through building therapeutic relationships, navigating crises and being a great leader. The former New Zealand prime minister ceased seeing her emotional depth as weakness and utilised it to overcome adversity. I think what we can learn from Ardern is that she surrounded herself with people who didn’t suppress her sensitivity. She didn’t try to “fix” it; she embraced and redefined it.
The next time somebody calls you overly sensitive, remind yourself that they are simply intimidated by your ability to feel. Either that – or they’re numb to the human experience. And if you’re the person who thinks emotions are ridiculous, or enjoy poking fun at people’s sensitivities, think about why you feel that way.
Surprisingly, a time I felt most validated and valued for my sensitivity was when I ended my three-year relationship. My close friend, my estranged colleague, and a new friend just let me cry. They didn’t try to make me feel better, they didn’t offer advice, they just let me be in it. They knew I didn’t need anything from them, they knew I just wanted someone there. Many may not have pondered this, but I often feel the second somebody offers me a tissue mid-cry, I feel like I need to stop crying because it hits me that I am expressing too much. Sometimes you don’t need anything in times of vulnerability, you just need to be sensitive, be vulnerable and let yourself feel.
