Words by Sunny Hewlett // photo by Charlie Foster
When my last relationship ended, I felt a mix of sadness, confusion, and loss, yet also a strange sense of relief. I’ve learned that breakups, whether romantic or platonic, are inevitable in life, but how we navigate them afterwards really shapes our healing and growth. I wanted to share what I did, what I learned, and what helped me move forward in case anyone else needs some guidance and hope.
I Let Myself Feel Everything
At first, I tried to stay “strong,” but that only made things harder. A breakup stirs up all kinds of emotions: sadness, anger, disappointment, sometimes even guilt. I realised suppressing them only delayed the pain. So instead, I gave myself permission to feel it all. I journaled when the words were too heavy to carry, meditated when my thoughts felt too loud, and leaned on trusted friends when I needed comfort. Every emotion was valid, but I learned that how I handled them was what made the difference.
I Reinvested in Myself
After so much of my energy had gone into the relationship, I realised I needed to turn that energy back towards myself. I picked up old hobbies, tried new ones, and started doing things I’d always dreamed of. For me, that meant booking a solo trip, reading more, and even signing up for a course I’d been putting off. These little actions reminded me of who I was outside the relationship, and helped me reconnect with my independence.
I Avoided the Rebound Trap
I’ll be honest, it was really tempting to dive into another relationship right away. The distraction seemed easier than sitting with the pain. But I knew that would only mask what I was really feeling. Instead, I took the time to reflect on what worked and what didn’t in my past relationships, and to think about what I truly wanted in the future. It wasn’t easy, but it was worth it.
I Went on a Breakup Retreat
One of the most transformative things I did was attend a break up retreat. You can browse the best breakup retreats in the world here, and find one that suits you. I’d never even heard of such a thing before, but it turned out to be life-changing. The retreat gave me space to focus on myself, surrounded by professionals and people who understood exactly what I was going through. There were mindfulness practices, therapy sessions, and even creative workshops that helped me rebuild my confidence. Whether set by the beach or up in the mountains, the retreat reminded me that heartbreak could actually be the beginning of something new. I know I am really privileged to be able to do this, but for context, I used money I had been saving for a new car, because I knew I needed this more.
I Reflected Without Obsessing
I caught myself a few times replaying every conversation and moment, trying to figure out what went wrong. But overanalysing didn’t help, it just kept me stuck. What did help was shifting my focus to what I’d learned: my boundaries, my deal-breakers, and even areas where I could grow. Instead of obsessing, I used those lessons as building blocks for resilience.
I Found My Own Closure
Closure didn’t come in one big moment. It came in small, intentional steps. For me, that meant writing an unsent letter, deleting old photos, and making the quiet but powerful decision to move forward. Ultimately, I realised closure wasn’t something my ex could give me—it was something I had to create for myself.
The end of my relationship wasn’t the end of me, it was the start of a new chapter. It was heavy and painful at first, but growth often is. With time, patience, and self-care, the clouds began to lift. I found joy again, I found myself again.
No storm lasts forever, and neither does heartbreak. Eventually, the skies clear. And if you let it, an ending can become one of the greatest lessons in self-love and resilience.
