Interview of Matilda Boseley // photograph by Ellen Smith
Matilda Boseley, award‑winning journalist and author of The Year I Met My Brain, is back with The ADHD Brain Buddy — a practical, interactive workbook for navigating adult life with ADHD. In this interview, we talk about the leap from memoir to hands‑on guide, how Matilda tested every tool on herself, and the self‑compassion she hopes helps readers create their own ADHD‑friendly routines.
Hi Matilda, how are you feeling about releasing The ADHD Brain Buddy? Was there a moment you felt particularly excited or nervous?
Look, at the moment it’s pure terror, but that’s how I feel before anything big happens in my life. The reception to my first book was so beautiful and positive and I’ve received so many truly moving heartfelt letters from people, that I think I now feel a lot of responsibility not to let people down. But, in the same breath I genuinely can’t wait to see people using the tools and completing the quests – and to see how people adapt them to fit their individual circumstances. There is a big emphasis on experimenting in the book, and I’m really looking forward to seeing the results of those experiments (if people are generous enough to send me updates.)
Your first book, The Year I Met My Brain, focused on exploring ADHD. What inspired you to move from storytelling into a practical workbook format this time?
I had been having conversations with a couple of people about what a follow up to the Year I Met My Brain might look like, and the word “planner” had come up a few times. Instinctively I was like, no way, I mean I can’t even figure out how to use a planner consistently, why would I make one? But the idea did keep playing at the back of my head – like, what would a planner look like if there was no obligation to use it every day? Well, it probably would be less about lists and dates and more about surviving specific difficult moments. And, well, not every day is difficult, so I would probably want a section for when I’m feeling great – and wouldn’t it be cool if the planner had a bunch of ideas of how to use this energy now to make my life more ADHD friendly on the less good days? Then of course living an ADHD friendly life has a huge amount to do with emotional well being too, so there should be a section looking at that. And all of a sudden it wasn’t a planner at all, it was a work book.
So, look, partially it was by accident, but I also think, with The Year I Met My Brain and The ADHD Brain Buddy, there is the common theme of me setting out to write the book that I wish someone had handed me at that point in my life – and at this point, a workbook clearly was what I was craving.
How did your own experiences living with ADHD shape the exercises and strategies you included in the workbook?
A decent chunk of what’s in this book comes from tried and true systems that I’ve found myself using (either consistently or on and off) for years. Which was great because I knew they had staying power. But I was also aware that, not only are everyone’s life circumstances different, everyone’s ADHD is different. So if I confined myself to just what was currently working for me, then, well the book wouldn’t be all that useful.
So before I even really started putting pen to page I spent several months essentially using myself as an ADHD crash test dummy. Trying out every life hack I could find and looking around my life, and my friends lives, for problems and then trying to find solutions. Then I would try them and adapt as I went along. I was especially looking for what the weak points in these systems were – like at what point am I getting tempted to just give up, or how do I reduce the number of times I have to go on my phone during this process and risk getting distracted. Then considering how this would work for someone with no time, or no disposable income, or a physical disability, or just someone with kids – I mean, that changes a lot about how a household works – and then I tried to incorporate options and solutions for those circumstances too.
I also spent a lot of time looking for the stuff I’m bad at, the parts of my life where I really don’t cope – or really rely on others (usually my partner) for support. And I tried to ensure there was a system to help with those things too. And honestly the thing with ADHD is often it’s less about finding the PERFECT way to do something, and more about just having someone (or something) to help guide you through it!
Were there any insights or “aha moments” from the ADHD specialists you consulted that surprised you or challenged your own thinking?
Oh, there were so many. I remember having my mind just utterly blown when Dr Michele Toner – who is one of Australia’s foremost ADHD coaches – told me about the idea of creating a personal instruction manual (which was adapted into a “logbook” in the lightly nautical themed The ADHD Brain Buddy) where you write down all your observations about your own ADHD, everything that works for you, everything that doesn’t, and then refer back to it when times get tough.
I was nearly in tears when the brilliant psychologist Janelle Booker mentioned off hand in one of our chats, that, well yeah, perfectionism is a form of all or nothing thinking as well. Not only was that a revelation for the book, but pretty pivotal in the way I look at the world more generally.
But honestly, there’s too many to even begin to list.
ADHD often comes with a mix of strengths and challenges. How do you balance addressing difficulties while celebrating the positives in your book?
This is constantly on my mind. It’s something I went into in a lot in my first book – that constant push and pull between, well I don’t feel like my brain is inherently “wrong”, there’s so much about it that I really love, and I fervently believe that the goal should never be to “cure” the type of brain I have. But also… having ADHD also really fucking sucks sometimes. It’s not ONLY a disability, but it is still a disability, and living in a world built by and for a different type of mind than mine is extraordinarily difficult. So, while I don’t want the whole of my brain to be “cured”, there’s plenty of aspects of ADHD that I really wish I didn’t have to deal with.
So for this book I tried to work off the baseline of – okay, ADHD makes certain things difficult, but rather than constantly trying to force ourselves to change and pretend to be neurotypical in order to fit in with the world, how can we adapt the world around us to make it fit in better with our brains?
For example, a lot of ADHDers really respond to excitement and fun and games and bright colours – so let’s embrace that and use it to make our life more whimsical and more functional at the same time.
Let’s use the strengths of ADHD to help with the struggles.
Many adults with ADHD struggle with shame or guilt around their diagnosis. What role does self-compassion play in your workbook, and how do you hope it helps readers?
Self compassion is truly the foundation that every single activity in this book is built on. Even the structure of the book is designed to be forgiving to however you choose to use it. Like, if you do a few activities and then forget about it for a year, that’s totally fine, just open to a random page when you feel up to it and get cracking again.
The guiding principle in the book, which is something Janelle Booker really helped shape for me, is to approach things with curiosity not judgment. Lots of people – but (at least from the conversations I’ve had) ADHDers particularly – tend to use self-shame as a survival tactic. Like, okay I messed up, but if I’m just mean enough to myself and punish myself enough well then I won’t mess up again. But actually, more often than not this just leads to avoidance, and getting paralysed with fear. What’s way way way more useful is looking at the things you struggle with and going “oh that’s interesting…” or “oh I wonder if that’s because…”. I’m sure readers who complete every activity in the book are going to get so sick of me telling them to practise curiosity not judgment, but it’s so important every time! Excuse my earnestness, but self forgiveness is genuinely the key to all self improvement. Sorry, I don’t make the rules!
Looking back at your journey since being diagnosed at 23, what advice would you give your younger self or someone newly diagnosed today?
I think the two big things would be:
- Getting diagnosed and taking ADHD medication won’t make you neurotypical, but that should never be the goal.
- Look after yourself. Take breaks. Listen to your body and your mind when it starts to throw up signs that you’re pushing it too far. And treat those signs like the vital survival instincts they are, not like some moral weakness to be pushed past.
Oh and also buy a power bank that has like five phone charges worth of battery in it. That’s also been a life saver.
