Advice by Courtney and Tahlia // Photograph by Karen Davis
Do you have to come out as bisexual if you are in a heterosexual relationship?
Photograph by Karen Davis
Dear Ramona,
I’ve just realised I’m bisexual. Ok wait… that’s a lie. I think I’ve known for a while but I’ve never really fully admit it to myself until now. I haven’t told anyone about it yet, except for my current boyfriend, who is totally supportive and helped me come to terms with my sexuality. So here’s my question… if I have a boyfriend, is it still important for other people to know that I’m bi? Is it still important for me to come out to anyone? Or am I just supposed to pretend I’m straight until some hypothetical day when I break up with my boyfriend and start dating girls to come out to people? Thanks!
Janelle
Dear Janelle,
This is something I’ve always been curious about as well. But I think just because you do have a boyfriend, that doesn’t disregard your feelings nor your sexuality. Even if you marry the man you’re with now, you can still be bi! It may not particularly “matter” as much because you’re only going to be with the man you’re with, but it would make you feel better and more yourself to acknowledge the fact that you are in fact bisexual and attracted to girls. It’s completely up to you whether or not you’d like for people to know about your sexuality, that’s up to the individual and there should be no pressure to come out or keep it to yourself. But it’s important to remember that your sexuality definitely isn’t disregarded because you have a male partner!
Love,
Courtney
Dear Janelle,
Your sexuality is defined by you and you alone. It is not defined by the gender identity of the person you are in a relationship with. You still have a sexuality when you’re not in a relationship! If you identify as bisexual then hey, hello, I see you. You are valid and beautiful. I’m speaking as a bisexual girl in an almost four year relationship with a gorgeous guy. I fell in love with him, but could have just as easily fallen in love with him if his gender or gender identity was different. I’m openly bi and it’s wonderful, but being out is a personal choice and is different for everyone. Out or not, you are who you are!
Love,
Tahlia
