Writing by Kate Bubalo
Kate Bubalo’s debut play [YOUR NAME] is full of fanfiction, female friendship and fingering. Playing at KXT on Broadway from June 14 – 29, hear from the playwright herself about the deep ties that lie between the internet and many women’s modern experiences of sexuality.
The first time I masturbated I was about 13 or 14. I was watching a Youtube sketch where the punchline was two girls making out. It was the first time I experienced that swollen pulse, a sensual itch to be scratched. Instinctively, as if guided by every other horny woman in herstory, I placed a pillow betwixt my thighs and rode that horse with the same vigor you use to scrub a red wine stain out of a white blouse.
My sexuality is intertwined with the internet. To learn how to kiss, I watched those weird HowCast videos. I got asked out for the first time when a guy sent me a kissy face emoji over snapchat. When I had sex for the first time, I had to watch a Youtube video to remind myself how to put a condom on. Like others in my generation, every step in my sexual development was mediated by my unrestricted access to the World Wide Web. It is not a new idea that emergent technology shapes a generation’s sexuality. The invention of the car helped your Nana escape the watchful eyes of her parents in order to get her rocks off.
The internet however, poses some new challenges to those on their sexploration journey. Especially for teenage girls. For many, puberty is the starting pistol of a very high stakes race. Girls must develop and explore their own sexuality whilst coming to terms with their own sexualisation. Girls are responsible for their own sexualisation, usually before they understand anything about their own desire. The internet only intensified this phenomena. Everything lasts forever on the internet, you have access to an infinite amount of information and you have no idea who is watching. What a turn on! A great place to explore an intimate part of your personhood!
So what is a modern girl to do with all her hormones?
My tactic was to turn to the written word, Fanfiction. I had found safety as well as excitement in the boundaries of a non-visual platform. Fanfiction was an endless world of smutty fantasy that I could develop within. I could explore my desires and urges and perhaps discover new ones on the way. I didn’t have to think about what I looked like, if I was sexy enough, if I was doing something right or worse, wrong. I also didn’t have to worry that my exploration would be used against me. There was safety in the anonymity. There was also community, knowing that there were others out there who also wanted to read about bad boy Draco seducing good girl Hermione or a sexually charged story about Rachel Berry and Quinn Fabray overcoming their differences and turning to Lesbianism. Of course, fanfics were often a bit kooky and melodramatic. That was the fun of it. How wonderful that so many people around the world were so vulnerable and generous with their deepest and darkest fantasies. It was this kindred kinkiness that inspired me to write my play [Your Name.]
Unlike regular porn, fanfiction often focused on the sensual, a building and releasing of tension. When I was younger, porn was strange to watch because it wasn’t relatable, I had never had sex, so merely seeing people have sex was not that titillating. Porn also had a strange fixation on the biomechanics of sex, which I never really got. Once you’ve seen the ins and outs a few times, surely you’ve got the gist.
Fanfiction however, often described the sensation of sex. Of course, a lot of it is also written by teenage virgins but I wouldn’t have known any better. I was familiar with the characters, how they felt and why it was so scandalous that they were screwing. If I wanted, I could read [y/n] fanfiction and get amongst the action myself. At the end of the day, fanfictions are fantasies that we knowingly buy into. They don’t often translate in reality. 14 year old Kate didn’t actually want to be with Draco Malfoy. However, fantasies are how we get to know ourselves; more than just what we want in the bedroom.
[YOUR NAME] will perform at KXT on Broadway (181 Broadway, Ultimo) from June 14 – 29. Written by Kate Bubalo Directed by Lily Hayman
With: Lola Bond, Andrew Fraser, Georgia McGinness and Evelina Singh. Produced by Purple Tape Productions.
