Review by Freya Bennett
Why Am I Like This by Gemma Styles is a refreshingly honest and accessible exploration of the human brain, delving into the reasons behind the thoughts and behaviors that many of us struggle to understand. From grappling with feelings of inadequacy to trying to break bad habits, Styles’ book provides insights into why we are the way we are—and how to approach ourselves with more kindness and understanding.
As someone who often gets caught up in self-criticism over perceived flaws—whether it’s my daily cookie habit, my unachieved dreams of becoming an author, my lack of motivation to exercise or the way my mind spirals into anxious thoughts—I found comfort in the way Styles explains these experiences. For example, she shares that humans are wired to conserve energy, which can make it difficult to motivate ourselves to exercise. Understanding that I’m not lazy but simply responding to my biology has been a game-changer for self-compassion and I’ll definitely be trying to incorporate Gemma’s habit-forming insights—though I have a feeling breaking my couch potato habit won’t be easy!
One of the standout chapters for me was The Comparison Trap, where Styles discusses the human tendency to compare ourselves to others. Up until this point, I found myself—almost unconsciously—comparing my life to Gemma’s. Her accomplishments were impressive, especially the fact that she wrote a book while pregnant and during early motherhood, which is the same life stage I am in. Meanwhile, all I managed during pregnancy was a cracked tooth and a daily cry. It was eye-opening to realise that even someone as accomplished as Styles—an award-winning podcaster (and now author) with millions of followers on Instagram—also struggles with comparison. She explains that comparing ourselves is natural, rooted in our need to evaluate our abilities and fit into social groups for survival. This understanding helped me put my own comparisons into perspective and reassured me that it’s just part of being human.
Styles also explores the impact of social media on our brains in her chapters Is Social Media Changing Our Brains? and Why Can’t We Get Along?. While she highlights its pitfalls, such as echo chambers, polarisation, and the pressure to share immediate opinions on complex topics (yes!), she also acknowledges the positive aspects of connection and shared experiences that I’ve experienced first hand. Although I’m grateful to have come of age before social media, when Instagram launched I was 23 (help!), and I suddenly discovered a community of people who shared my struggles with anxiety, intrusive thoughts and what I now recognise as (probably) OCD. This connection provided comfort, and I became a big consumer of mental health memes that help me laugh through it all. Gemma’s insights provide a nuanced view of how social media shapes our mental well-being, illustrating both its challenges and its power to foster understanding and support.
Why Am I Like This is a kind, thoughtful, and non-judgmental guide that offers insights into why we behave and feel the way we do. Styles’ warm, conversational tone feels like a comforting chat with a friend—one who understands what you’re going through and is there to remind you that you’re not broken. This is a book I’ll return to time and time again, and I believe it fills a much-needed gap in the world of self-reflection and mental health resources.
If you’ve ever found yourself asking “Why am I like this?”—whether in frustration or curiosity—Gemma Styles’ book will provide the answers in a way that feels compassionate, relatable, and ultimately, reassuring.
