Words by Ravnoor Sachar // photo by Ellie Henderson
Burnout and self-neglect. Two things I know far too well. I spent years trying to give 120% to everything—uni, family, friendships, work, and self-care. I was doing all the “right” things, calling it balance, telling myself that as long as I made time for self-care, I was doing the work of taking care of myself. But was I, really?
I’ve said it to anyone who will listen: life is all about balance. My friends and family can vouch for this—it’s practically a daily mantra of mine. I even started an Instagram account, Balanced with Rav, for crying out loud. So, if anyone should know what balance looks like, it’s me, right? And yet, somewhere along the way, I turned balance into another task to perfect. I convinced myself that if I scheduled in my skincare routine, 10,000 steps, journaling, workouts, and career goals, I was really taking care of myself. But in reality I was just micromanaging my well-being the same way I did everything else – pushing myself to tick all the boxes while running on empty.
And here’s the kicker: I know all about health and wellness. I’m a Pilates instructor! I’ve been preaching balance to others for years. But even with all that knowledge, I still find myself caught in the same cycle. Just knowing that it’s important to say no doesn’t mean I always do it. Just knowing that overworking myself leads to burnout doesn’t mean I don’t still do it.
That’s the thing about self-care. It’s not a one-time decision. It’s a daily practice of pulling yourself up when you slip back into old habits. It’s recognising when you’re stuck in a cycle of doing too much and finally finding the courage to stop.
At some point, you have to say no.
No to the five-step skincare routine when you just need to crash in bed. No to the work opportunity that might be great for your career but not your health. No to forcing yourself to read that book when all you really want to do is binge a silly TV show. No to self-care that’s really just self-discipline in disguise.
Even as I’m writing this, I know I’m still learning. I’m typing these words while running on too little sleep, on hold with a call centre, stressing over uni deadlines, and still saying yes to extra shifts at work. I could tell you to put yourself first, to be kind to yourself, to listen to your body but the truth is, I need to hear it just as much as you do.
So here’s what I will say: don’t listen to me. Listen to your body.
Not your perfectionist brain that tells you to push through no matter what. Listen to your body; the one that carries you through everything. Step away from the notifications, the people who need you, the pressure of being everything to everyone. Sit with yourself, close your eyes, and breathe. What’s your body telling you?
Maybe it doesn’t want 10,000 steps today. Maybe it wants to try that new sandwich place down the road and go for a swim instead. Maybe it just needs a day of doing absolutely nothing. And that’s okay.
And when you slip up, when you take on too much or push yourself too hard, don’t be cruel to yourself. Don’t beat yourself up for not resting “perfectly.” Be kind to yourself. Self-care isn’t just about bubble baths and face masks. It’s about how you speak to yourself in those moments when you need care the most.
Here’s an analogy for you: Romanticising your life has become such a trend lately. Everyone wants to feel like the main character in their own movie. So let’s do just that. Picture this: You’re the main character who finally starts putting yourself first. The audience is cheering, rooting for you as you take the steps to prioritise yourself. But then, just like in the movies, every other character in your life is pissed off. Your family’s mad, your friends don’t get it, work feels abandoned, and everyone’s looking at you like you’re selfish. It’s that moment of self-care where everyone else wants to drag you back into the hustle, but you keep walking forward.
Now, feel that cheer. Let your own audience clap for you. Because you deserve it.
You don’t have to be perfect at self-care. You don’t have to earn your rest. You just have to recognise when you’re falling back into the cycle and pull yourself out. That’s what true balance looks like.
