Words by Emma Mugglestone
I’m turning forty soon. It’s something that feels important and I’m not sure why. I don’t want to be blasé about ageing because I’m so grateful to be getting older. But at the same time, it feels odd to make a big deal about it. I see myself as so many things—a wife, a mother, a daughter, a friend, a volunteer, a reader and a writer, the list goes on and on—but I’ve never defined myself by my age, so why would I start now? I have, however, been doing a lot of reflection because I’m not who I used to be. And the flipside of that is also true – I’m not yet all the things I hope to be.
When I pinpointed the decision that made the biggest difference to my last decade, it was a surprise. Please allow me to set the scene: thirty-year-old me had a lovely husband (spoiler alert: I still have him!), two small children and was trying to be all the things for all the people. It was where I wanted to be and if I could go back in time, I’d make all the same choices all over again because those days will forever be some of my favourites.
But it would also be a lie to ignore the fact that I was starting to crave something that was just mine. Then a few of the mums from a local community fitness class I attended mentioned doing the 10km obstacle course, Tough Mudder. Without giving myself a chance to second-guess my decision, I signed up and then realised it was going to involve running. Up until this point in my life, I firmly believed I was allergic to running. I’d tried it a few times but I’d get tired quickly, everything would hurt and honestly, I couldn’t see the point of it if a bear wasn’t chasing me. But something that made me more uncomfortable than running was letting other people down. What if the rest of my team could all jog between the obstacles and I held everyone else up because my lungs were collapsing?
Determined not to be that person, I started running with a simple training plan. Not Couch to 5km because even that seemed too scary. Instead, I’d run the distance between two streetlights and then walk for a bit. Then do three the next time and build up and up and up. I spent early mornings shuffling along the Esplanade near my house while the sun was still waking up. Other times, it was early evening when my husband got home from work. But it became addictive. Pushing myself to go further than I had the last time. Having uninterrupted time with my thoughts. Doing something that I’d long considered I just couldn’t do.
I still remember the day we did Tough Mudder. Our group split up reasonably early on between those who wanted to walk between obstacles and those who were committed to running. It was tempting to go with the walking group but I decided that I could always drop back if it was too much. The idea was to challenge myself. I’m not going to lie and say that it was a breeze. Tough Mudder was hard. Most of the obstacles were outside of my comfort level but the running part? It was fun and to my surprise, I didn’t want to stop after the event finished.
As women, I think it can be hard to give ourselves permission to do things that are just for ourselves. All those hours I spent running could’ve been time with my family or working. They definitely could’ve been spent doing washing because anyone with kids knows that’s a never-ending chore. But by doing something for myself, I became a better version of myself. I had more energy, I was happier (although I really wasn’t unhappy to start with!) and I loved that it became normal for my kids to says, ‘Mum’s gone for a run’.
If someone told the younger versions of myself that I’d start running in my thirties and grow to love it, they’d fall over with shock or from lack of oxygen because they were laughing too hard. My high school PE teachers would be gobsmacked. The only time I ever actively ran in their classes was to avoid participating.
As my running became more established and routine, I started tackling other fun runs and even a couple of half marathons. I found running communities that always cheer each other on, even if you start the event as strangers. And I developed a greater appreciation for what I could do if I really put my mind to something.
When my youngest started primary school, I had another idea about something I wanted to do: write a romance novel. Running has physical and social benefits, but I love the escapism (sometimes literally!) it provides me. Reading is something I’ve always enjoyed and there was a pesky little voice in the back of my mind whispering ‘you could do this, you know’ every time I picked up a book.
I truly believe that if I hadn’t already had the confidence to try something I never thought I could do, I wouldn’t have sat down at my computer and started tapping away. I wouldn’t have given myself permission to try.
I certainly never would’ve written a run club romance.
But I’m so glad I did.
And I can’t wait to see what the next decade brings me.
In the Long Run by Emma Mugglestone, published by Penguin Random House Australia. Available wherever you buy your books, also available in eBook and Audiobook.
