Illustration by Ayelen Lujan
This is a silly question, but I want to ask it anyway. I want to preface it by saying that I am not someone that is super spiritual or really believes in astrology. But, a while ago, I saw an astrologer. They told me some stuff, and some of it was really accurate in a specific way. However, he told me that I would have something significantly negative happen in my relationship after I’ve settled down, along the possibility of death or divorce. So, how do I continue to date and experience relationships without this hanging over my head? I don’t want to lose the one I love. And how can you ever really know if someone is right to spend the rest of your life with?
Lost in the stars
Firstly, I want to say a big thank you for writing in! As someone who does believe in astrology (to an extent anyway), I want to say a huge sorry for the way this astrologer has treated you. It’s extremely unethical to interpret things in this way and he really doesn’t sound like an astrologer I would trust to tell my fortune (also fortune is a bit of a strange thing to try and predict, it’s better to predict different feelings/emotions at different times of life.) Here is some reading I found about astrology and how it’s not here to predict the future.
My mother is an astrologer (and a pretty good one at that!), so I have been surrounded by this my whole life and I have picked up a few things along the way. I want to say that whilst this astrologer was probably reading some kind of planetary thing within your chart, this can be interpreted in vastly different ways by different astrologers. For example, if you had Pluto in your relationship house this could mean big changes and that doesn’t have to be a bad thing! The energies of Pluto are transformative. Pluto represents change, rebirth, healing and subconscious forces, interested in all that is below the surface. If he was seeing something like this in your chart, this has no indication at all of a significantly negative event happening in your relationship. One person’s Pluto in the relationship house can mean something completely different to the next persons. For example, your future partner could have a lot of Scorpio (this sign is ruled by Pluto) in their chart. Many things in Astrology can be read as bad by anyone with that mind frame, but also vice versa.
For example, my husband has Mars in his relationship house, some astrologers could interpret this as a turbulent or violent partner for him, but actually, it is very clearly an indication of someone like me. I have Mars in my first house; I’m very driven, spontaneous, impatient, success driven and prone to clumsiness because I’m too rushed in wanting to achieve everything. I can assure you we have one of the most loving and equal partnerships I’ve seen!
In regards to moving on with love without being scared, I totally understand this. As someone with a lot of anxiety, it’s hard to let yourself fully fall in love with someone because there are no guarantees. The best advice I’ve ever received was “Don’t borrow worries from the future” (easier said than done, I know). We have no control over our future, and if challenging things were to happen, would we look back and think ‘Gee, I’m so glad I spent the last ten years worrying about this particular event.’? No. So my advice to you, is choose what to believe yourself! Don’t let this one bad experience with an astrologer ruin your chances of love and happiness. Astrology is fun, and can give you an indication of difficult times in life but it can’t predict strict details like this, you can choose what to believe for now–tell yourself a different story!
Your last question is one that I think everyone faces at some point in their life. How can we ever really know who is the right one to settle down with? And the answer is that we don’t know. None of us knows what’s around the corner but to me, trusting your gut and tuning into how another person makes you feel (do you feel safe, loved, cared for, respected, equal, validated?) is the best way we can really trust that this is right. It’s another lesson in letting go; don’t get caught up with where you’ll be in 20 years and if you’ll still be with this person, if you’re happy now, and you feel supported, safe and loved, then go with that.
I hope some of this advice has helped you! I would be happy to chat to you further privately and even have a look at your chart myself! My email is firstname.lastname@example.org
Good luck with everything!