Advice by Maria Ermides // Photograph by Marat Safin
How do you heal after a break up?
About 2 weeks ago my ex dumped me because of our shared mental health issues. I’ve tried to get over him, I really have, but I just can’t. The worst part is that we still loved each other when we broke up, I’m not sure about him but I still love him to this day. It pains me so much that we’re no longer together and I just want him back, I messaged him a lot at the beginning of our break up which he was NOT impressed by (to be fair I did kind of explode which is unfair of me). I feel like I’ve messed everything up and I just don’t know what to do, I’ve moved on to the point where I’m not constantly in tears or sad all the time, I just can’t see myself with anyone else.
First off I want to acknowledge how difficult it is to be in love and to be dealing with your own mental health issues. The two inevitably collide, and when both of you are dealing with it at the same time, it can’t be easy. You haven’t messed anything up by expressing how you’re feeling, so be easy on yourself for that. Everyone deals with breakups differently, and maybe he needs space and the best thing you can do right now, is give it to him.
Instead of seeing it as the end of your relationship, why don’t you look at it as a chance for you to focus on your own happiness. I know part of what has made you happy is this person, but for this particular moment in time you maybe have to go your separate ways. And while you’re busy working on yourself it will keep your mind occupied and before you know it, you will feel differently!
Although it’s horribly cliche, if you two are meant to be in each others lives, you will find a way back and it will be stronger because you have had this happen.
One more thing, please don’t think having a mental illness makes you incapable of love because in my experience, it makes you all the more open to receiving it in a big way.
Sending all our love,
Maria and the Ramona team.