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My grandmother says that when a loved one dies, their soul carries with them a candle and with that candle they can pass through a very beautiful door, but if we cry, our loved one cannot pass through that door because their soul suffers for our tears.

Grandpa you died today, and the first thing I wanted to do was call you to tell you that I was afraid to imagine a life without you, you were the person who knew all the answers.

As the days pass since your death it seems like the days do not happen, the hours stopped making sense, because when you died time and space died too.

The first image that came to mind when I knew that I was never going to see you again was you in your bedroom playing the guitar, and with that singular thought of never seeing you again, I began to cry.

Grandpa I don’t know what life will be like without you. Sometimes I remember you with pain, other times with affection and when I burst into tears I cannot seem to stop.

I always believed that you would be eternal. When I was young a thought came to mind that I threw to the sky, what would the death of a loved one would be like? Now that I know, I once again look to the sky but this time to shout.

Grandpa, today I listened to the music that you loved and it hurt me to know that I will not be able to hear you sing anymore, I want to record your voice in my memory and never forget it. I cry all the time listening to Santo & Johnny, I remember when you bought me a CD of them and your eyes of joy in giving me that beautiful gift.

When you died I was very afraid and I had many questions. My huge fear was that you would be cold and that you were afraid caused we wanted to look after you and shelter you but we were not allowed at the hospital. I still think that you are in your room and that when I go up to see you, you will be waiting to eat with me and grandma.

Grandpa I love you, I know that I can no longer look at you, hug you and tell you how much I love you but there is not a day that my heart does not find you.

I remember you in each star, in each sunrise, I remember you when the rain falls, I remember you in such a beautiful way and today I celebrate your life.

In memory of Francisco Rutilo Reyes Segundo a wonderful musician, singer, beloved father and grandfather.

Artwork by Vika Alvarez

Andy Reyes

Andy Reyes (she/her) is a Mexican writer, columnist, and poet. She is a feminist – the women she admires the most are her grandmother and mother. She is proudly Mexican and is interested in psychology and journalism – her favorite hobbies are knitting vests, reading, and making pancakes.

Andie started writing when she was seven years old, with the purpose to understand why she suffered from school bullying, she created a narrative about her experiences at school from the perspective of animals, that is where she fell in love with writing.

Andie likes sunsets, cuddling her cat Mushu and her little dog named Coco.

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