Writing by Andie Reyes // photograph by Itziari
In my perspective, masturbation is a way of creating art, properly speaking, crafting that masterpiece by hand on the canvas most inherent to the human being (our own body), which will provide the impetus for the shots of dopamine, prolactin and oxytocin so well received in our brain.
As something that has been shown to improve our quality of sleep, increase motivation, desire, pleasure, and is associated with the reduction of fear and anxiety, I wonder why is it still demonized? Why aren’t there banners with the good message?
“Hey! You have the right to get an orgasm, it’s not shameful or vulgar! It’s your right!”
Personally, orgasm for me is a rush, I feel a release from all inhibitions – a relief. I heard a rumor that the French call orgasm “la petite morte” – a “little death”, but for me it’s the moment when I feel most alive, more daring, more relaxed. Once a guy told me that the sensation of consuming drugs is comparable to the sensation of having an orgasm, although I honestly don’t think so, because the post-orgasm sensation for me is comparable to drinking hot chocolate in the middle of a cold night protected by the comfort of a soft bed, and I don’t think the drugs will achieve that sensation. What I do believe is that they are two highly addictive substances.
Masturbating does not imply any kind of moral fault, nor should it be taboo anymore. That we continue to inform ourselves, explore ourselves, give each other love, share information about it should be celebrated. And we should continue having many more orgasms!
What does an orgasm feel like to me? For me it feels like something that tenses to the point of climaxing and then everything is released. My belly feels hot – the adrenaline reaching your chest, like sensitivity piled up in a corner of your being.
An orgasm is as if you hugged yourself from the inside and your mind was no longer in your head and it traveled through your body. I like to masturbate alone, or accompanied, before, during or after sex. I still don’t have an electronic assistant to do it, it scares me to think that I will suddenly become addicted to sex and abandon all my responsibilities to immerse myself in erotic pleasure. I must confess that I don’t do it that often either, I like to leave it, delay it, that desire grows in me, almost as if it were a prize or a reward.
My orgasms have varied over time, when I just started having sex with my current partner I saw purple, green or blue as colors. Another sensation that I have in my body when I orgasm, is as if it I was filled up with sugar, like it was in my mouth or my blood – I don’t know how to explain – like for a moment I ran out of air. I tense up all over and in the end I feel a very pleasant sensation throughout my body, especially in the feet – how relaxing. Just at the end when I’m lying down, there is a feeling of strangeness.
When I masturbate, my vagina contracts its muscles and after continuing to stimulate itself, it releases a series of sensations of pleasure and happiness.
I learned to know myself, it started as a self-exploration, it became a ritual, taking a bath, putting on a nice robe, body oil all over my body, looking for one of my lubricants and maybe one or all of my sex toys depending on what I wanted to feel on that day of self-love.
My breathing accelerates and my sex toys are synchronized. My movements are simultaneous and I am clearly very wet. My body temperature feels very high and I tend to blush. After the contractions in my pelvis, I feel how it is increasing and as if it were a balloon that bursts inside me – like an explosion of sensations – a rich and beautiful rain of serotonin, dopamine and endorphins engulf me giving me a moment of relaxation, freedom and happiness.
For me, orgasm is feeling how my intimate part suffocates, intensifies and heats up a lot, my muscles contract as my breathing is agitated.
It’s that energy that I release, where I stay blind, making me feel a satisfaction running between my legs. I take a deep breath and want that feeling once again.
I feel it like vibrations running through my body, pleasant, intense, taking me to an electric shock, releasing energy from my vulva, altering every part of my body, ending in joy for reaching that maximum point that I enjoy so much and leaves me free, relaxed and loved.
It is satisfying, being a path that I prefer to travel alone. More pleasant, more in my own way, because I take control, because I recognize, from the depths of me, what causes me pleasure diré an strong intensity.
Giving me a moment to touch my vulva and vagina, my pelvis, my legs, my breasts, makes me need myself more, me, only me.
When I have an orgasm, I feel a citrus liquid that reminds me of summer, that runs a path from my belly to the toes of my feet, coming back and moving in my belly again. This makes me sometimes scream with pleasure, running out of breath, without words.
I like that loneliness lying on my bed, thinking about how sexy my breasts are when they are hard, and the pleasure I feel when gently squeezing them, that feeling I have of love for myself that no one could give me.