Poem by Aishwarya Shrivastav // Photograph by Nunzia Lollo //
Poem by Aishwarya Shrivastav // Photograph by Nunzia Lollo
I am the last of the dusk
and first of the dawn
I am the high tides of sea
and deep underwaters of the ocean bed
Durga and Kali
Maya and mohini
Some days all of these
and some days nothing at all
I am the Holy body of a lotus
And also the paint of impurity painted over that girl who has just felt the first rush of blood between her thighs
The Pink the blue the black the red
All shades of rainbow and beyond these shades
I am a woman
More than five letters in this word
More whole than five elements of this world
Erased boundaries and marks of my own ways
I was 16 when I stopped folding hands in front of a god I didn’t believe in
I began worshipping myself
In second grade my teacher taught me that god is inside me
Since then temples felt like the places I didn’t know what to go for
It took 20 damn whole years to finally be confident under my own skin
So when I finally started embracing it
They termed it as an indecent public display of too much skin
And I realised
There’s nothing like too much skin
There’s just too much of confidence
which sometimes will bother them
But never let anyone feed you suppression in name of protection
Burn their eyes with brightest neon bra straps
Walk with your head high in skirts which show your legs
Because covering up shouldn’t be a synonym for ‘classy’
Buttoned up or all naked we all are drop dead sassy
Because
Empowerment doesn’t work in saying avoid going out at night
it lies in telling go out ,claim your places and fight
If I am old enough to decide the future of my country which I live in,
Am I not bold enough to decide mine?
In my self defense classes
the instructor taught us not to smile in order to not attract attention
After that day I never went to the classes because I guess the first rule to self defense should have been to be defensive towards one’s own expressions
I decided very early that the fear of attracting unwanted attention wouldn’t ever stop me from smiling ear to ear on a happy Monday
I am
Flower bands and satin bows
And blood stained boxing gloves
I am a woman
cosmic and earthly
unclean of societal expectations
which make me vulnerable
But more of a rebel
I am Balms
and bones
baptised by swears
I am my own goddess
The creation and the creator
The one that I need to worship
I may take a woman
Or a man
Or both
And the only person who can decide that will be me
Because the only rolls I find cute are tummy rolls and not your suffocating decaying gender roles
I am first shade of anger slamming my heart on the day I was first groped
Second shade of embarrassment when I put on my first bra
Third shade of power when I slapped instead of getting spanked
I paint More than fifty shades to my existence
And hundred to colour them darker.
