Temping

Writing by Kelly Davis //Photograph by Nunzia Lollo

Office work has come to feel more like a hunting ground to me

Men in suits wander around the infinite amount of desks with comically huge coffee cups

Surveying the women sitting at desks, on the phone, answering the endless emails as a face to the public for the hotel chain

Plastering smiles on their faces, words dipped in honey, because being anything less than palatable is bad for business

And still desperately trying not to make eye contact with the prowling men

These men stand around the printer waiting for something to print that I no longer think is coming

Instead they smirk and whisper, never really talking directly to anyone but each other

Maybe I just feel vulnerable and I’m projecting my paranoia

This may have been enough for me to let it slide in the past but not now

Not when the news is constantly flooded with more and more women outing men

Not when people like me, sitting in chairs like mine, after trauma and healing, bringing light to this

Not when I catch the train home and squish next to the man spread out across the two seats

Not when I walk home with my keys between my knuckles past men whose eyes follow me down the street

Not when I come home and watch movies where the leading man stalks the girl as if it’s oh so romantic

Not when I go to my room and read about more brave women calling out the men who saw so little of them they felt it was their right to take what they wanted

Not when I get up the next day to it all again

Sitting at my desk, waking up from being just as desensitised to the prowling as to the phone ringing

I try to tell myself I’m overreacting

“Remember to make judgements about the world based on your own experiences”

Because if you haven’t been assaulted then you shouldn’t be scared of it … right?

Just like I’ve never experienced a house fire so why install a fire alarm

“Don’t make yourself into a victim Kelly”

As if it’s my fault the overwhelming evidence points to a justified look over my shoulder