Being Bisexual in Only Hetero Relationships

Writing by Penny Schiereck // Illustration by April Phillips

Being bisexual should be the best of both worlds. There’s no shortage of potential partners when you’re attracted to more than one gender. However, a problem arises when you’re a woman dating a man, or a man dating a woman. Suddenly, the legitimacy of your bisexuality is up in the air. Can you really be bisexual if you’ve only ever dated one gender? If you’ve only dated one gender, you must have finally chosen a side, and your bisexual identity is gone, right? Don’t let biphobic claims convince you, you can still be bisexual if you’ve only ever been in heterosexual relationships. You’re just as bisexual as you always were.

It’s easy to let mean comments and bullying get the better of you. You have probably asked yourself if you’re really bisexual, if you are just faking it for attention, or if you’re actually a lesbian but afraid to admit it. You’ve probably wondered if you’re “gay enough” to be a part of the LGBT+ community, how could you possibly be bisexual if you’ve never had a same-sex relationship? How could you know? How could you really belong in the LGBT+ community, if you’re half straight? If you know you’re bisexual and confident in it, you don’t need to perform an experiment to give results to other people. The “B” in LGBT is for bisexual.

    You’re bisexual as long as that’s what you identify as. Whether you have mostly heterosexual relationships or mostly homosexual relationships, the only requirement to being bisexual is identifying with the label. Bisexuality is a spectrum, you don’t have to be 50/50. You can be 90/10 or 40/60, and be bisexual. You don’t have to date a man to know you’re gay, so why would you have to date a man and a woman to know you’re bisexual?

I am a bisexual woman, and I have had two relationships, both of them with men. I’m still completely bisexual, and no one can tell me otherwise. I choose my partners based on personality, compatibility, values and interests—their gender doesn’t factor into the equation. My partner could be a man, or my partner could be a woman. It just happens that so far, they’re all men. I haven’t chosen a side, I’ve chosen a person. Who in this case, is a man. I’m happy with my partner, and that’s what matters. I don’t need to prove my bisexuality to anyone, and neither do you. Bisexuality is about the freedom to choose a person, and never having to worry about not being attracted to them.