Writing by Andy Reyes // photograph by Sandra Lazzarini
There are songs and poems about this. I listen to Lana Del Rey and cry for an hour.
Unrequited love is that fantasy that never happens, it’s a person’s romantic disinterest in you and it has just happened to me.
I told a person that I love him and wanted more than a friendship but the feeling was not reciprocated because he has no interest in me. Or at least, not the interest I want.
I feel hurt and ashamed, but surprisingly I also feel a great creative inspiration. I could write a few sad poems! But, I still feel empty, did I do something wrong? Wasn’t I enough for one person?
I stop eating and cry all the time, wondering how I could overcome something that never existed. I enter a fantasy land and imagine being with that person, even though, just a few days ago, he told me that I was not enough for him.
Being rejected was a strong blow to my self-esteem and my confidence but it has also helped me. Not only in my art, but also in the way I relate to people. I have stopped idealizing others and I have stopped attacking myself.
I do not regret having declared my love because I learned a lot about myself in the process. I always had the idea that if I had a partner, everything would be complete in my life. But now, I know that is not so.
I am still on the search, but now the search goes beyond a love relationship, now I am looking for a more lasting relationship and that relationship is with myself.
I know that eventually I will meet a person who loves me as I am, with my extra pounds, my acne scars and my way of being, but for now I am completely lost in myself, my thoughts now feel lighter and the crying days of the past, now feel warmer.[share]