Nobody Told Me There Was an End to Girlhood

My older sister and I once built a fairy garden under a funny shaped tree we had in our backyard because we thought it was magic. We collected flowers to decorate it and were certain the fairies would play with it during the night. Coming home after school, I’d check for signs of fairy dust or something to signal that the fairies had been there. Back then, that kind of certainty came easily. The world was soft and full of possibility, and magic was just everywhere.

If I could go back and pack my round, pink suitcase to take with me through adulthood, I’d pack the essentials: the belief that I could do anything, the freedom of no responsibilities, and my favourite teddy to comfort me in the tough times.

Nobody told me there was an end to girlhood. There was no warning that wanting to be a princess wasn’t a solid career option. No countdown to adulthood or moment where someone sat me down and said, “enjoy being young”. Instead it happened so quietly, the world re-shaping itself behind my back while I was still making flower crowns. It’s as though one day I woke up and was suddenly an adult, organising car insurance, tax return papers and a five-year life plan for my career. The softness of the world was gone, and I felt like I was meant to have my whole life figured out.

I think my first job was the moment I knew girlhood had disappeared. I was filling out my bank details on the ‘new employee’ form and came across superannuation. I looked at my parents for clarification because I had never heard this word before. I spent the rest of that night figuring out which superannuation company a 15 year old, who had never earned a dollar in her life, should go with. I remember feeling overwhelmed; I hadn’t even served my first customer yet and already the world was asking me to make decisions for a future I hadn’t thought about.

Girlhood though, girlhood for me, felt like Christmas every day. Joyful, exciting, and full of magic; every new day brought new possibilities and a new adventure to chase. It was the absolute certainty that fairies were real, that I could talk to animals or fly around on a dragon, and that I could definitely be a princess when I grew up just like Belle from Beauty and the Beast. Time moved slowly and everything was met with a smile and a cheerful laugh. The world was completely mine to conquer, and nothing was off limits. Nobody expected me to have a superannuation fund, I just got to exist freely in a world that felt like it was made for me.

Being only 20 years old, I’m still terrified that I don’t have it all figured out yet; but the older I get the more grateful I am that I grew up with fairies and imaginary friends. Girlhood shaped me, it gave me an imagination fierce enough to conquer my dreams. This is what I’d tell every little girl; girlhood is not something you outgrow. I find it again in my ordinary routine, especially when I’m in the company of my little cousins; their sense of wonder is fierce and through their eyes I catch glimpses of my girlhood days.

As I continue to grow into womanhood, it’s nothing like I expected. I used to think it was all about maturity and beginning my career, and everything was just meant to be serious all the time. While I don’t have a clear definition of what womanhood means, what I’ve learnt is that it doesn’t have to be so mundane. Womanhood for me is about finding wonder and joy in smaller things; like going for a swim at the pools in the morning or shutting the world out and reading a book after a busy work day. Womanhood is a new chapter and it’ll bring its own kind of adventures, like buying my first home, hosting my first dinner party and landing my dream job.

Girlhood taught me that the world is full of magic; and I’m learning that womanhood is where I get to make my dreams come true.