Words by Samantha Theodore // Photo by Ginny Rose Stewart
I didn’t decide to get into fitness in a triumphant, movie-montage kind of way. Though that would’ve been much cooler. Instead, I injured my knee and had to start physio. My energy felt off, my body unfamiliar, and I just wanted to feel like myself again, what I hadn’t realised is that I hadn’t felt myself long before I even injured my knee.
My rehab sessions with my physio sparked something in me and I began to realise that maybe… I … like… exercise? Shocking to everyone around me, most of all me. I’d never been a fitness girly, had never even dabbled in sport at high school so that fact that I started talking about keeping up exercise was very out of character.
Once I had been cleared by the physio to go to the gym (who am I?), I began slowly. And while I enjoyed the challange and the feeling after I had achieved something new, I didn’t like the bright lights and loud music. So I decided to go for some runs at home.
The first run was humbling. Not particularly enjoyable and about ten minutes in, my knee started complaining that dull, persistent ache that made me wonder if I’d made a mistake and I’d be back at square one with my physio. I felt defeated.
The next day, I called my physio and she told me that sounded normal for a run after a knee injury but just to wear a brace. Apparently, the jarring motion of running can hurt your knees, even if you have good knees (seems obvious to me now). If you have knee issues like me you could need to pick up a knee compression sleeve for running.
Securely strapped into my brace, I started my running efforts again. That became the rhythm of it all. Small adjustments. Small mercies. I also let go of the idea that I had to love running (I thought all runners loved running but turns out they don’t, some just love the feeling they get after the run!).
My favourite part of the whole new fitness me was stretching on the living room floor. I hadn’t realised how disconnected I was with my body until I began using it. My stretches after my runs feel like a way to thank my body, to connect with every part of her and appreciate all that I have. Once I stopped forcing myself into someone else’s version of fitness, I stopped putting expectations on myself or how I should feel.
I weirdly feel indebted to my knee injury for getting me back into my body. And while I wouldn’t wish an injury on anyone or myself again, sometimes we need a wake up call to really BE in our bodies. My knee still twinges when I run some days, despite being diligent with my brace but I now know what pain I can push through and what pain needs rest and help.
And while I still don’t feel like a “fitness person,” whatever that means, I do feel at home in my body. Connected to the vessel that allows me to walk this beautiful earth and that’s worth everything to me.
