Words by Kate Solly
Look, I’m going to tell you but I need you to promise not to make that face. I almost wasn’t going to mention it, but it’s important that I’m honest. I’ll just tell you now, right at the start.
I have six children.
I know. I know. Look, we don’t need to talk about it. But there’s another thing. And I’m really going to need for you to keep your face under control for this.
I’ve published three novels. I also crochet. And I really love a good cryptic crossword.
Okay. That’s all out in the open now, I feel better. I’m not trying to show off about my production capacity of either humans or creative projects, I promise. I wanted to bring it up because it’s the topic of conversation I always dodge in polite conversation. I usually get along fine chatting to a stranger until somebody who knows me bounds over and says ‘Guess how many children this lady has. Guess. GUESS!’
The moment I am required to enumerate my offspring, it quickly becomes the only conversation – how do you make it work? How do you find time to create? And sometimes – what are their ages? That one can be hard if I’m feeling flustered. Those ages keep changing, after all.
Most of the time, I laugh it off. It’s hard to get into it when everything is bleeping and there’s an unexpected item in the bagging area. But today’s different. Today, I’m going to answer the question properly. How can you find time to create when you’re also a mother? How do you find that thing that lights you up from the inside when you are elbow-deep in caring duties?
Embrace small pockets of time. We often trick ourselves into thinking we need a whole lot of time to embrace a new hobby. It takes ages to write a novel or sew a dress. But it doesn’t take long to write a scene or pin out a pattern. Protect these pockets of time by leaving the house. If you’re not in the house, you won’t be tempted to step away from your work to change a nappy, or mediate in a squabble, or find somebody’s scout scarf.
There is a deep joy to be found in parenthood, but the day-to-day can sometimes feel like drudgery. When you carve out time for your passions, it can transform those tasks. While you’re lugging wet lumps of laundry out of the machine, your mind might be exploring possibilities for your watercolour painting or patchwork cushion or beaded bracelet or short story. The more intense your caregiving role, the more important it is to have time to care for your creative self.
If there are people in our lives who are better at looking after their needs, it can be easy to resent them. Of course, you could stomp around and slam the cutlery drawer, but I think a better response is to be equally as protective of your own needs.
I’m going to skip over the part where you tell me that all this is silly and you don’t have time for it. Of course you don’t have time for it. None of us do. And I know that being told that you really must do something for yourself seems like another demand on an already busy life. I’m sorry for that. But it’s important.
You can try ignoring it, but it’s not like the creativity ever goes away. If you don’t give it space in your life, it will still burst out of places. There is nothing wrong with a creative school lunch, or an impressive birthday cake, or a Book Week costume that knocks it out of the park. But I would suggest that something might be wrong if these pursuits are your only creative time.
There is room for creativity in a busy life, but first you need to embrace The Life-Changing Magic of Phoning It In. It’s time to drop the ball. Everyone’s circumstances are different, so I can’t tell you what ball to drop, but I can promise there is something. If you allow yourself to be imperfect, or if you allow others to take up the slack, you make room in your life for the thing that lights you up from the inside,
Of course I’m not saying you should neglect your family or not do your fair share of community work. I just want to question the model of thinking that says that a hobby, or anything that brings a mother joy and pleasure, is somehow frivolous and unimportant. That it is more important to prevent the interior of your house from looking like people live in it, or impose control over your physicality so that your measurements approximate those of a famous person whose body shape is an entire industry. If you feel guilty that you’re not doing enough for those around you, just imagine you’re a man and check that those societal expectations would still apply. I bet you’re still doing plenty.
I have a big family and a big creative life. How do I do it? Twenty minutes at a time at an unwiped table!
